Imagine the very first time you received a “love note”, a romantic card, a kind gesture that filled your heart with joy. The thought of that person made you smile. The sound of their voice made your heart flutter and took your breath away. You daydreamed about them and the next time you would spend time with them. Each thought of this person brought more and more joy and excitement. Your anticipation of being in their presence was a distraction to your daily routine. Your thoughts are consumed . . . completely consumed. Your technology hunger kicks in, and you send a text message… “Just thinking about you”…..
The desire to be loved is a basic desire to every human and the desire to be “in love” is a natural and normal desire of many people that find themselves in the state of singleness. Allow me to remind every person that is single that your desires for marriage, family, and commitment are normal and they are important. You were created to love and give love.
Before you can express your love to another person, it vital that you learn how to celebrate and love yourself. Often as singles we want someone to love us and we have not mastered the ability or taken the effort to learn how to love ourselves. We must first take time to get to know who we are in the natural and who we are in Christ. We must learn to enjoy our company, enjoy and be comfortable in our own skin before entering into relationships with those of the opposite sex.
“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” Matthew 22:39
Here are some practical ways to begin the process of loving ourselves. Many times we don’t realize that we do not truly love ourselves and sometimes this opens a door for others to treat us in ways that are hurtful.
I will not remain in toxic relationships where I am not a priority but an option.
Do not allow others to make promises to you and then continue to break those promises without any regard for your emotion. People will disappoint you, but repeated disappointment turns into abuse. Abuse is not always physical, but abuse can be mental, emotional and spiritual. I believe before abuse becomes physical, the mental emotion and spiritual walls of the person has been hit so many times wearing them down, making them vulnerable for physical abuse. Remove yourself from toxic relationships that do not bring life to you, but instead tear you down and ultimately will bring death to you.
Just as we remove toxic chemicals from our environment because we recognize the dangers of these toxins, some relationships are not worth having in your environment.
I will not allow others to disrespect my time, my body, my mind and my life.
Disrespect comes in many forms. Often disrespect is the precursor for a relationship moving towards toxicity. Do not allow others to dishonor you on any level. For example if someone agrees to call you at a certain time and they miss that time that has been scheduled some form of remorse should be expressed. If no remorse is expressed, then the door has been open for this pattern to repeat itself. You have the power to stop the behavior by addressing the situation. This will allow the other person to express themselves or bring the manner to their attention. At this point they have been informed and can make the choice to change their actions or they can continue the same pattern of behavior.
I will honor myself by taking better care of myself.
Make an appointment for a Health Physical with full blood work. Have the medical doctor take time and review the results of your exam with you. Make a dental appointment. We spend enormous amounts of time with our outer appearance (all which are fine and needed) and leave very little time and money for our general health. By honoring your health, you are honoring the vessel that God has given you while you are on this earth. Take time to eat well, sleep long, work up a good sweat during exercise and show God how much you appreciate His workmanship and how He has uniquely made you.
I will set standards for myself and ask God to bless them and revise them as needed.
As a single person, you have time for reflection and goal setting. During this time ask God to revise and review your goals as needed and do not be too rigid when HE says “shift!” Goals are like a road map they keep us focused on our path of destiny. Sometimes life throws us a curve or a detour; seeking the Father will assist us with those sharp curves in life that seem to come from nowhere. As you keep your heart open to God, you will become flexible to His divine timing and His plan for your life. Setting goals and placing them before the Father provides communication and great dialogue and intimacy with your heavenly Father.
Start with loving yourself on purpose with these tools. Whatever you do, my single friend, stay in the celebration as others celebrate Valentine’s Day. Do not isolate and retreat away. Celebrate who you are in Christ. Celebrate your victories and your failures! Celebrate your past, your present and your future! Take yourself out to a movie or dinner. Have a small gathering with other singles to share the “love holiday.” Enjoy a fresh cut bouquet of flowers and dark chocolates compliments of “from you to you!” Think about all you have accomplished and get excited about your possibilities. And oh yes, don’t forget to text yourself …“Just thinking about you”….